MLS All-Stars put together worst attempt at a rap video in history

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By IVES GALARCEP

KANSAS CITY- MLS All-Star Week in Kansas City has been one of the most successful event weeks in league history, but if there is going to be an infamous aspect of this week, it will surely be the production of a rap video featuring MLS All-Stars that just might make your ears bleed.

The folks at Funny or Die put together a music video inspired by the Chicago Bears Super Bowl Shuffle video, complete with awkward beat, a complete lack of rhythm, and rhyming “skills” that might make any hip-hop fan scream, and stands a good chance of making you laugh hysterically.

Here are Graham Zusi, Omar Gonzalez, Kyle Beckerman, Chris Wondolowski, Mike Magee and Jack McInerney in “We are Better Than The Best”, a video that will either make you laugh, or cry, or both:

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47 Responses to MLS All-Stars put together worst attempt at a rap video in history

  1. Don Pelayo says:

    The Wondow better keep his day job. Holy moly.

  2. Dan in New York says:

    Ives – It’s supposed to be bad, that’s the joke. (Funny or Die is a comedy site.) I thought it was pretty funny but a little too long.

    • Ives Galarcep says:

      I get that, but doesn’t make it any less cringe-worthy. And yes, it was funny, but painful.

      • Chas says:

        This is how everyone feels about your various forced rap references on Twitter.

        • pooperscooper says:

          STOP! DROP!, SHUT ‘EM DOWN OPEN UP SHOP!
          OH! NO!
          THATS HOW THE RUFF RYDERS ROLL!

          like that?

      • Jake says:

        The original post (and headline) definitely don’t make it clear that you get this whole thing was tongue in cheek. I thought it was pretty awesome to see MLS do something like this.
        I can’t wait to see Eurosnobs pick this video up and tell us all how MLS sucks and it can’t even make good videos.
        Looks like the guys had fun. Shouldn’t Landon have been the only one wearing shades?

        • Dan in New York says:

          Yes, on Landon with the shades. Good call!

        • Clyde Frog says:

          Come on. The original post and headline were as clear as they need to be. 99.99% of people don’t need it spelled out that an MLS All-stars’ rap video is supposed to be a joke.

          • Jake says:

            We’ll have to agree to disagree. I thought it was misleading once I had seen the video itself. I expected an actual “attempt” at a good rap video.

        • Felix says:

          This is why we’ll never be elite – because of college soccer, kids aren’t in academies by 7 years old, no pro/reg and videos like this……

    • Naugles says:

      Great stuff. Obviously a throwback to the Chicago Bears c.1985.

      The more Low-Fi the better, IMO.

      • AII says:

        Very similar to what they did in The Sex Offender Shuffle video, definitely worth checking out on youtube also.

  3. Pace says:

    Brilliant

  4. jrowe says:

    cringe

  5. Brett says:

    Beckerman was the only one with any remote skill. It most be because of his improved performance in the Gold Cup.

    • Michael says:

      Beckerman did have some flow, but I really wanted to him to go dancehall stylie. ‘I am mad, mad, an’ uh wicked onna pitch.’

  6. Alex says:

    Kyle Beckerman “smokin’ up the field with his soccer skills”

    Subtle :P

  7. Kevin_Amold says:

    It’s so bad, it’s brilliant.

  8. Reed says:

    Haha I thought it was funny. Especially beckerman and “smokin”

  9. Brian says:

    I just appreciate the fact a group like Funny or Die would find the MLS All Star game worth attending to make a video. These little steps make it apparent the progress soccer is making in becoming part of the ‘mainstream’ culture. I’m not saying this video is groundbreaking, but another ‘win’ for soccer.

  10. Gnarls says:

    I’m kind of surprised Magee was allowed to say witch with a ‘b’.

  11. ESC says:

    please kill something

  12. Gnarls says:

    Growing up in Portland, this was the ish around ’94, and clearly one of the many awkward athletes-trying-to-rap videos of the early-mid 90s.
    link to youtube.com

  13. Mecra says:

    Well done! Very authentic!

  14. Ronnie says:

    Wish some of the foreign guys were a part of this. Still absolutely love it.

  15. 2tone says:

    Hilarious. Obviously some lack the understanding that it was meant to be humorous.

  16. Dean Stell says:

    The thing that cracks me up about this is that none of those guys are old enough to really remember the Super Bowl Shuffle. The 30 year old guys were like 2-3 years old back them. Omar and Jack Mac weren’t even born yet. :) Time flies….

  17. DC Josh says:

    Lol, that reminded me of Tim & Eric’s Awesome Show Great Job.

  18. Dan says:

    Beckerman should go solo

  19. Swagg says:

    I loved it, Kyle best rapper of them all, Wondo worst….. But I give them all props for doing it!

  20. chris says:

    this is incredible. beckerman hilarious. donovan and henry would have made this that much better though

  21. Mike Caramba says:

    I’d argue that the video borrow more of its aesthetic from the Arizona Wildcats rap than the Super Bowl Shuffle.

  22. Falsify says:

    Hard to watch. I about lost it when Magee said “Bitch”

  23. Austin says:

    Ives took this wayyyy to literal. One of the funniest video’s I’ve seen in a while. Beckerman and Magee were hilarious.

  24. Ryan says:

    Pretty funny. Aside from being on the pitch, is there a moment where wondolowski isn’t such a complete dork?

  25. Ja Ja James says:

    Ives, old school like you are, you should open your next Podcast with this.

  26. Beto says:

    Come on Ives! This made my day! Terrifically horrible!

  27. Brett says:

    Legendary.

  28. Leo says:

    Bah, this has nothing on the 1990 USNT rap song titled “Victory”.

    link to youtube.com

  29. Victor says:

    Honestly this was amazing….I am dying laughing each time I watch it…Wondo was the best just because how bad he was at it haha….So classic though

  30. Michael F. SBI Mafia Original says:

    Not the least bit funny. Worst idea ever. Terrible. Absolutely terrible. Embarrassing. Some marketing guy needs a beat down.