While nobody ever accused Landon Donovan and David Beckham of being best friends, their already awkward relationship isn't likely to ever blossom into BFF status after Donovan's revelations in Grant Wahl's soon-to-be-released book, the Beckham Experiment.
We will have to wait a few weeks before Beckham returns to the Galaxy and the awkwardness reaches record heights at Home Depot Center, there is no reason we can't begin to have some fun with it now.
With that in mind, here is the newest You Write the Caption: The Donovan-Beckham Edition:
Photo by ISIphotos.com
"You had to tell them the Morton's story, didn't you?"
Now it's your turn. Submit your best caption for this photo and the top ten entries will be put up for a vote, with the writer of the winning caption receiving an SBI Mafia t-shirt, courtesy of Objectivo Apparel. If you haven't yet, be sure to order your own SBI Mafia shirt today.
Let's hear some captions.
Beckham: “At Least i played for Manchester United”
Bad team mate, bad team mate, at least other teams want me
David: “I like our matching wedding bands, but the state of California overturned samesex marriages, and I can’t deal with heartbreak. I’m going to Milan, Landy. I’m Sorry.”
You know, I think this Herbalife is giving me a buzz.
Beckham: I’m sorry, I’d rather be texting you too–but I don’t have my phone on me!
Landon my wife buys purses that cost more than what Klein, Gordon and Buddle make in a year. How am I supposed to pick up the bill at dinner and keep her happy. You know what I mean – Right mate?
“You told them I sent you and they still wouldn’t frost your tips for free?”
“Ewww!! You want me to do what after I buy you dinner?!”
LD: Just to show you what a good teammate I am, I put my leftover lamb pizza and peach salad in your locker.
Beckham: “You make me f****** miserable!”
“David, I know you don’t want to play here anymore, but did you have to take a dump on the field?”
why so serious?
Beckham: So Landon, did you confirm my flight back to Milan yet?
Donovan (thinking): “Crap, I forgot how much bigger than me he is…”
DB – “I’m glad they write the size of our manhoods on our shorts!”
I swear, he bought me like two caipirinhas and kept getting me to say all these things about you. I didn’t know. I thought he was my ffffriend, David.
Beckham: “I’ll only be gone for a couple of months, keep ya head up mate”. LD: ” but without you, not only will we lose, but no one will show up to our games thee.”
Beckham: “my hip hurts from carrying the wads of cash out of here”
Donovan: “……….boy the grass is green”
“Landon, what did you tell you? If you are going to do an interview for a book always ask for the money upfront”
Beckham: You want to play the talking to the media game? Maybe I should tell them about the you know what on your you know where.
beckam: this thong is a bit uncomfortable!
Landon: ewww, too much information.
Becks– really mate, Wahl… why not Ives.
Donovan–my bad
“In England we don’t use our real names when we talk to the press.”
“In America people don’t know who we are.”
I can’t believe they didn’t ask for your ID.
Becks: “Landon, I know,I KNOW I need to look interested once in a while, but seriously do you think Posh looks fat?”
“It’s OK mate, I actually like the nickname ‘Goldenballs’…”
David: Ok fine… Yes I’m drunk right now, are you happy? I’m still better than Gordon even when I’m drunk mate you can’t deny that.
I’d offer you some water, but my wife tells me not to feed the peasants.
I can get 60,000 people out to see the Galaxy play, or I can pick up the freakin’ dinner check. Choose one.
David: I’m gonna kick your ass when we get to the locker room, you hear me?..
Beckham: Don’t take it personal Landon, in italy I can play just as Bad as I do here, and I’ll get to keep my spot for England… I’ll do anything for my country…
Landon: Jesus christ will you shut up already!
Becks: Well, what is it?
Donovan: David, we got to have a defense, I don’t know nothin’ ’bout stoppin’ shots!
David: “maybe it was just a fart, check your boxers at halftime”
Now look it is just for one game and a totally bonding experience. Why do you think I loved Milan so much? They do it all the time. So agreed? Next game, We ALL go Commando!!
“Beckham you can stay in Milan, so you can play in the National team. Hopefully we can meet you at the WC and show you who it boss.”
Landon, heres your wifes waterbottle, she left it in my Suite while you were at the confederations cup.
Becks: Tell me.
Landon: No!
Becks: Tell me!
Landon: No! figure it out yourself.
Becks: Come on Lando, please tell me, I can get you to Milan too!
Landon: NO!
Becks: Oh, Come on! you know we’ve never been able to beat Spain!!
“Sorry, mate – what was your name again?”
(Thinking) “Must…control…fist…of…death.”
I swear, he bought me like two caipirinhas and kept getting me to say all these things about you. I didn’t know. I thought he was my ffffriend, David.
Posted by: Aggies4JerryGarcia | July 03, 2009 at 11:22 AM
“In England we don’t use our real names when we talk to the press.”
“In America people don’t know who we are.”
Posted by: Dave Clark | July 03, 2009 at 11:32 AM
i like those two haha
Who’s my bitch donovan? Who’s MY bitch? that’s right…YOU ARE!!!!!
BECKS: Sorry to break the news to you in the middle of this meaningless game, but 19 Entertainment just bought out the Galaxy.
DONOVAN: At least it’s official . . .
Becks: seriously Lando, that forehead is bloody huge!
Lando: I know, I know, why do you have to be so mean!
“Good to see my armband’s kept its shape while I was gone eh?”
Donovan stands silent, thinking “He’s begging for a left hook, do I go jaw or junk?”
Donovan: Hey mate? How many goals have you scored against Brazil?
“Errr, I am going to have to leave”
“But you said we would be best friends forever”
Hey Lando. Dinner’s on me tonight.
” Donny Cakes Envy Edition”
David: Please Landon! Just stop telling them the truth ok… Just pretend I am awesome like everyone else does.
Landon: Um…
IVES. Please buy DOnny Cakes Dinner if you interview him.
Beckham: Show me them “landycakes” if you know what I mean.
Beckham: daaaang! Your forehead is even bigger in person!
Donovan: i know i know, if only i could score with it…
David Beckham attempts to converse with his teammate while Landon Donovan weighs transfer options based on their distance away from Milan.
LD to DB: please don’t squirt me.
Becks: I’ve got this nagging ache in my back. Could you remove the knife, Landy?
Landy: (Thinks to self) No more Posh. Sigh. How can I spin this into something that will piss off Mexico?
Beckham : “Landon, I can’t see my face in my boots. Polish them again!!”
Landon Donvoan realizes that David Beckham did not just give him a sip of Gatordade.
This water bottle is more famous then you.
Beckham: Landon, if you ask one more freakin time if you could take the free kicks, i swear ill call you landycakes in public!
DB: ” Ok mate. I took the captaincy away from you. and I can do a lot more to you. You couldn’t keep your mouth shut. Could you, mate? you can’t even look me in the eye. Look at me when i’m talking to you?”
Beckham: Yea, i read your text. Too pathetic to say it to my face huh?
Donovan: (looks down) yes…….
David: Landon, if I were you, I’d think about renting out your forehead to a sponsor.
Here are my contributions:
1. That Morton’s dinner was primo! Not only did I get out of paying the check, but while the waiter wasn’t looking I snuck out this green bottle of ketchup in my pants!
2. I’m captain and what I say goes! I veto your suggestion of Chuckie Cheese–we’re going to Morton’s instead!
3. Now that we’ve taken our wedding bands off, we can cruise for hot single chicks with big American breasts! If they’re blonde, they won’t notice the wedding band tan line!
4. ID Badges? I’m David Beckham. I don’t need no stinking badges!
5. If you were going to talk to SI you should have gotten the story right. I threw in and extra .50 for the tip–and you call me a cheapskate?
Becks: “Seriously Landy, some of you only make $12,000???”
Landon: “I know…”
DB: You moron! Do you have ANY idea what you just did?! You embarrassed the Beckman brand name. You just MESSED with Posh’s shopping and face lift fund.
AND NOW SHE’S IS PISSED!!! After she kicks my arse, she’s coming after yours!
LD: Uh, oh…
You know you still owe me from that night at Morton’s, right?
That’s right–”Golden Balls.”
So who is your book agent?
It’s a shame Michael isn’t available to baby sit my boys anymore.
Landon, you know you will never be great without a Sir David Beckham tatoo on your arse!
Landon, when are we going to stop this foolishness and realize that what our hearts want is right here in front of us?
Here’s your problem, Landon. You actually give a crap about American soccer.
Becks: Man, you really DO look like Pauly Shore!
Donovan: So when are you going to make it to an international final?
“hey landon, you see me new underwear modeling pics?” “yea, im totally jealous”.
Whoever gave you that haircut will pay, I swear.
Beckham: “So you’re telling me not even Bayern would sign you, geesh thats rough”
Landon, I think I have some of that Morton’s steak stuck in my teeth, can you check?
“When you said all that rubbish about me, I bet you didn’t think I’d be coming back from Milan.” “Actually, I didn’t think I’d be coming back from Munich.”
“I’m sorry Landon, I think Landycakes is a cute nickname though”
Becks: Come on Landon, the US saved England’s ass in two wars. Without soccer and Benny Hill, we’ve got nothing
“Bayern didn’t work out? Sorry mate. I’ll tell you how the weather is in Milan.”
(awkward) Mr.Beckham-” Soooo hows your mum…”
mr. donovan- “good good”
Jealous Jealous Jealous Landon.
Try to make it in the big stage and not ripping off your teammate.
Beckham: Water boy, can you get me… oh, sorry Landon.
Becks to LD: “The other guys on the team make how much? That’s per year… in American dollars… are you sure???
BECKHAM: “You complete me”
“If I had known you’d go and do that, I would have paid for your lamb pizza.”
Donovan is just frustrated that MLS/ Galaxy/ and Becks have put Galaxy football last for the past two years. Landon rightfully shouldn’t stay another year with this type of management, that has put a circus on the pitch.
Beckham: “listen, little man, there’s about as much chance of ME giving up this armband as there is of YOU scoring against Brazil.”
LD: It’s not your fault.
DB: I know.
LD: It’s not your fault.
DB: I know.
LD: It’s not your fault.
DB: (Voice Raises) I know.
LD: It’s not your fault.
DB: (Bawling as LD embraces him) I knnnnowww…
LD: It’s not your fault.
DB: I know.
LD: It’s not your fault.
DB: I know
LD: It’s not your fault.
DB: (Voice Raises) I know
LD: It’s not your fault.
DB: (Angry Yell) I know
LD: David, it’s not your fault.
DB: (Bawling as LD embraces him) I knnnnnoooowwww.
Landon: “i held my tongue when you took the armband. i held my tongue when you forced Gullitt in as coach. i even held my tongue when you didn’t show up for the Dynamo game. but enough is enough, David! i’m gonna walk off the field if you keep insisting that Tom Cruise gets to play goalie.”
“I’m in love with someone else…didn’t think youd take it so hard.”
“If we play our cards right, we can both get out of here.”
“Boy you cast a huge shadow on this field.”
“Shut Up Landycakes”
I trusted you!
hey Landy, check this out… Jada Pinkett… is a guy
Deal with it. I get the Gatorade because I am rich Biotch!
Your right Landon, if I gave a crap and trained I wouldn’t be all sweaty and thirsty. You look nice in your try jersey.
You betrayed me, now look down at the nice grave I dug for your career. Now be a good lad and jump on it.
sorry typo correction:
You are right Landon, if I gave a crap and trained I wouldn’t be all sweaty and thirsty. You look nice in your dry jersey.
Do they validate here?
Becks: See this captain’s armband? I like to think of it as a little circle of trust. And with that Spourt Illustrasted thing you are now outside of- hold on I gotta go catch a flight, but you know my mobile digits, so feel free to text!
“Landy, you must shave your head when you start to bald, or the party girls will no longer fight over you”.
Beckham: “Wot I fink is that when the Batman escapes on his motorcycle at the end of the Dark Knight, he’s really saying ‘f*** you’ to the evil doers in Gotham. And I fink it’s pretty obvious when I move to Milan, people are going to compare me to that kind of selflessness. Maybe not today or tomorrow, but one day, you’ll see. Gatorade?”
Donovan: “I, uh, never saw the Dark Knight…”
“You should really get that forehead checked out, mate”
“Yeah… I have no idea what herbalife is either, man”
Donovan: “I heard a funny joke, but I cant think of it. Give me a sec….”
Beckham: “Yeaaa, I’ll be in the locker room.”
“C’mon, now, mate, it was just a HoJo. Bianca said you wouldn’t mind…”
why all the hate towards landon, what he said was true, its what we all said
Landon: “It’s just so frustrating because nothing is working!”
David: “You know if you mix the rogaine and the just for men formula it might help.”
Sorry Mate you’re not good enough to carry my water bottle.
David: “Hold on Landon.”
Landon: “Not again David!”
David: “Hold it right there, I’m just checking to see if I got something in my teeth. Your forehead is better than a mirror.”
Donovan is explaining to Beckham that his national pride is so strong that there is a magical link between his hair-line and the economy. Only now does Beckham truly understand how bad this “recession” really is.
Some of these are really funny, but sadly I can’t play along.
I’ve just learned of some major, major sad things going on in Landon’s personal life and it’s made this so not fun anymore.
DB: “Look here little buddy when taking a free kick the main objective is to get the ball over the wall and in the mixer.”
Becks: “Landy I heard you wrote a book, congrats, I was wondering if you could maybe read it to me sometime seeing that you know how to read and all that educated kind of stuff.”
Landy: “I guess, maybe I could write a few more autographs for you for the guys on the bench?”
Beckham: “Don’t look so glum – in just a few months I’ll be out of your receding hairline forever.”
Beckham: “I will squirt you with this water bottle if you do not score on this free kick”
Becks: “I just got back from the doctor, you should get yourself checked out, you know..”
Man, this team is heavy on my back.
Thank to Ives for (intentionally or not) encouraging people to “lighten-up” on this story. Its certainly helped my perspective. Hilarious captions, beginning with the hair frosting and moving on.
I can’t judge either of these players’ behavior based on scant excerpts from a book that seems–from the little we’ve seen–to lean more to tattling than the serious analysis I expect from Grant Wahl. We’ll have to see what’s in the rest.
In the meantime, considering Donovan, this interview took place right after the last defeat in an excruciating season–which he also likely thought would be his last with Beckham given his own stated desire to return to Europe. On Beckham’s end, can’t argue about the assessment of his on field efforts for the second half of last season. But, if the story is accurate, I did wonder that it took his management so long to get involved after how poorly the Galaxy/MLS handled his arrival and injury in the first season. Not they did much better, obviously.
In my eyes the story here is how owners/management’s cynically motivated and inept decisions impacted the team, and continue to do so, not how the two players reacted.
Happy Indpendence Day Becks, now go back across the pond so you can lead England to another World Cup penalty shoot out loss. I have work to do here in the States.
gatorade?!
I specifically asked for a mocha latte!!
you are worthless bloody sod landy
Caption Aside: Wow, LD has beefed up considerably since that picture. Impressed.
LD: (looking at the ground) I think you need to know, your tramp of a wife has been hitting on the entire team, and Alexi of course.
DB: (disgusted) Yeah, well… You’re wife can’t act!
OK, let me get this correct. I was able to captain England’s National side but you have a problem with me wearing the arm band for the Galaxy? Are you kidding me?
Beckham: “LLeyton, your comments about me were out of line. I never forgot about you or the rest of the Galaxy while I was away.”
Donovan: “My name is Landon.”
“Want to see a magic trick?”
Beckham thinks: “This is the best the Americans have?”
Beckham: Landycakes…I told you not to tell everybody the truth about us!!
LD: David can I have some water?
DB: What do you say first?
LD: Please
DB: And…
LD: Sorry
DB: And…
LD: And your the captain! Alright i said it, give me some water now!
We has season tickets for the Galaxy last year and we did’t not renew them. Beckham is a failure for the USA. Let him go back to Europe, Donovan is a good player…and he is brings more to the game. We are burning Beckham stuff…..he is a looser in my eyes.