Photo by Soccer By Ives
Remember the voodoo doll that caused such a stir down in Mexico? The one that Mexican fans were supposed to poke with pins to help Mexico beat the United States?
Today, the doll met Landon Donovan.
Yes, that is a picture of Donovan from Tuesday's press conference, being shown the voodoo doll by a Mexican journalist (who happened to be from the Mexican newspaper that sponsored the doll giveaway. I know, shocking). Donovan held the doll, observed it, and when asked to pose with it, he declined and chose instead to toss it aside playfully. He isn't a big believer in voodoo.
So there is the picture. Now it's your turn to write the caption to go with this photo. The best caption submitted will earn the entrant a free t-shirt from SBI Sponsor Objectivo Apparel. And no, I didn't forge about the Beckham YWTC, that one is coming, but I had to do this one.
Fire away folks. Let's hear some good ones.
Thank God that thing looks like Chingy….
“Why did someone make an Alexi Lalas doll? He hasn’t played in years.”
“Wow, is THIS what it’s like to be Mexican?”
“So if I autograph this doll they’ll forgive me for peeing on their pitch?”
This can’t be me, its not even balding!
Hey Landon, you don’t know me, but is there any chance you could do me a solid and bleed on this doll?
That’s quite flattering to my hairline.
Reporter: You see, the pins go here, between the player’s legs.
Donovan: That’s great…but I’m not redheaded.
stabs it, Thats what you get Lalas for building a terrible Galaxy team.
“You say Luca Toni gave you this?”
Hey, will you sign this for my boyfriend? His name is spelled R – A – F – A – E – L
Señor, you are mistaken. I have balls. Ask Osaldo—I mean Dirty Sanchez.
“As you can see we made the Donovan doll anatomically correct even under here.”
“There is nothing there”
“Exactly”
“I’m sorry to inform you, but you will need more than voodoo.”
After being informed of the hex placed upon all red-haired gringos by the Mexican fanbase, Alexei Lalas (off screen) wondered if the curse worked retroactively.
What’s with the glove, Michael? Beat it!
Is this how Mexican players spend their free-time, or is it considered practice?
“The Mexicans play with dolls? We play with balls.”
“They found my kinky german blow up sex doll?”
Donovan: It looks like Lalas, plays like Blanco, and smells like Dirty Sanchez. I don’t get it?
Reporter: I’m sorry about the smell Senor Donovan, that smell is me.
okay show me once more were he touched….
okay show me once more were he touched you….
Let me ask you, is there a Mexican version of this doll? I wonder because the entire Mexican team seems unable to shake hands after our matches. I mean, you know, that would explain it. It’s hard to imagine they simply have NO CLASS, don’t you agree?
“Just show us on the doll where Oswaldo Sanchez tried to touch you”
Reporter: “Hey Donavan, you and your team are going down and here is the proof”
Donovan: “If it were only that easy? Yet, I have to handed to Mexico supporters, we are playing within a ‘HEX’ a gonal, so I will refuse to engage in Mexico’s mind games, for ‘Casper’ is my friend–so BOO!”
“God, even the doll has more hair than me…”
Hey Donovan! Check out our new line of MLS figurines. It took us forever to get Alexei Lalas’ hair *just* the right color.
but why did they make a doll of sideshow bob…he doesnt play for us..
hmmm… it doesn’t appear to be to scale.
“Just show us on the doll where Oswaldo Sanchez tried to touch you”
Posted by: brandon | February 10, 2009 at 07:39 PM
AWESOME!
Donovan: Nice try, but I’m at least two inches taller than that!
Hey! Jorge Campos! I haven’t seen you in years…
“Do you know how long my PK routine is going to be now that I have to get rid of a voodoo hex before each shot?”
Mexican Journalist: “I am breaking your knee right now. Do you feel that?”
Donovan: “It’s just my knee-JERK reaction but you got me checking if my knee is O.K.”
“The doll is as tall as Oswaldo Sanchez”
“Landon Donovan, on the witness stand, was asked by the psychologist to show where the defendant, Rafa Maequez had touched him.”
Oh wow, I wonder if my wife Bianca knows about this? Do you know if these are for sale in the US? Um, I gotta go…
typo….Landon Donovan, on the witness stand, was asked by the psychologist to show where the defendant, Rafa Marquez had touched him.”
The economy must be bad when all Mexico can find for Donovan is a Mr Bill doll…
Mexican Journalist: “I am breaking your knee right now. Do you feel that?”
Donovan: “It’s just my knee – JERK….. reaction but you got me checking if my knee is O.K.”
“El Tri is Getting Desperate.”
Oh look at that, it’s made of flame retardant material! Speaking of retards, at what age do Mexicans stop playing with dolls?
My mom once dressed me as Raggedy Andy for Halloween.
and introducing Mexico’s newest midget striker….
Donovan: Is that your keeper??? Oh my bad, that is just a doll. Sorry, my bad…
Gee, imagine a team losing to those guys! What a crap outfit that’d have to be, huh?
Does Bianca touch you here? Oh you lucky man Senor Donovan?
or
I think the pee you left at Aztec came from here. No?
the guy who first said “show me where osvaldo sanchez tried to touch you” should win it
IMO its game over with that line
curses to you andrew with the campos comment. that was my first thought.
C
“Look, Los Angeles Galaxy found a suitable replacement for Alan Gordon”.
Were you using those Alexi Lalas voodoo dolls when he was running the Galaxy? Because then I believe they worked.
Donovan: Look no balls, shouldn’t this doll be wearing a green uniform?
How cute… but in the U.S.we don’t need dolls to win… we just do.
This is Mexico’s weakness? I’ll keep that in mind
So you guys are really scared of me, huh?
I agree with cbr – I like Brandon’s suggestion but it should be modified to:
“Just show us on the doll where Mr. Dirty Sanchez tried to touch you.”
“If you think it was fun sticking me, it’s nothing compared to the fun I’m going to have sticking it to you tomorrow.”
So that is the part of the leg that can be broken and healed in time to take a free kick, I never knew.
While impressed by the likeness, USA’s Landon Donovan ultimately declined the offer to produce a “Raggedy Landon” doll.
“Landon, would you please tell the court where Alexi Lalas made you touch him. Show us on the doll”
“The only thing this doll and I have in common is, whenever we are standing next to Bianca, no one is looking at either of us.”
“Well you know the bags of urine and the batteries were rough, the Osama chants were nearly unconscionable but this……I don’t know if we will be able to cope with this”
Wait, there is a small note attached to it. It says “Help us we are children trapped in a Mexican sweatshop forced to make these stupid dolls.”
“wow good thing it’s not a bayern munich uniform”
“This isn’t me. It looks more like… Pauly Shore!”
“This doesn’t look like me. It looks like… Pauly Shore!”
“I think the Lalas doll looks good!”
Proud father Landon Donovan holds son and thanks Alexi Lalas for looking after Bianca while he was in Germany
landon -”is this your mexican sex doll?”
“Senor Donovan”..these are “cojones”, the American Fans are happy you fianlly got some and decided to pursue a career with Bayern!!
You can at least smoke it, right?
“Wow, they gave me a lot of hair. Now that’s wishful thinking!”
At a press conference for USA vs Mexico, Landon Donovan is introduced to the only soccer player shorter than he is.
No wonder these guys haven’t beaten us in years.
Can you sew some balls on it? I play in Europe now, so my doll is supposed to have balls. Thanks.
That’s not “little Donovan”, I’ll show you what he looks like.
But it has no hair… WAIT!
If voodoo worked, all the africans teams would be world champions all the time.
I’m gonna piss on your car….net a hatrick…then use this thing as a sex toy with your wife. – All in perfect Spanish
“So this is what keeps happening to Feilhaber.”
Senor Donovan – these are “cojones,” the American fans are happy you finally got some and decided to pursue a career with Bayern!!
At long last, Donovan came face to face with his career nemesis: “Landy-Torta.”
“Even Hernán Cortés wasn’t able to turn the Tri-Colores into Zombies”
En Mexico, we eh-love el Carrot Top!
Hey there doll face.
Finally, something USA and Mexico can team up against; Alexi Lalas.
Yes, that is where I paid your mom to touch me. Just don’t tell Bianca.
“No, sir. I will NOT poke myself there…”
Alexi Lalas- “I didn’t know there were galaxy fans in Mexico to. Oh man i guess everyone hates me.”
2-0
No, that was your sister that touched me there. Your mom touched me somewhere else.
So you found this in Swen’s bag? I don’t want to touch that thing man! Get it away from me!
“wierd, its supposed to be an american voodoo doll, yet its an actual size mexican doll”
Donovan: “I can’t thank you enough for recalling all the dolls and returning them to the American fans! Make sure they’re instructed to give those mini-me’s a good massage right before kickoff and a warm bubble bath the night before. Why didn’t we think of this in 2006?!”
No, my penis is a wee bit bigger.
Everything finally made sense after Donovan spotted the pin in Alexi Lalas’ head.
now Donovan…can you show us where that bad man Lalas touched you??
He DOES look like Ribery in a French uni!
What’s up with the Mark Messier doll?
Scoreboard!
Reporter: AC Milan offered trade this doll in exchange for David Beckham…
Landon: Sorry, Alexi Lalas isn’t general manager anymore…
“glad to see that mexico is still producing quality exports even during this economic downturn.”
“A reporter asks Donovan to point out which knee he thinks Oswaldo Sanchez will go after with a spikes-up tackle.”
The show me where Oswaldo touched you is the best.
Landon Donovan is amused that life size football dolls from Mexico don’t translate precisely into the American market.
Donovan: I would rather take a studs up tackle to my precious face than to admit I still play with dolls…I trusted Beckham to keep that a secret.
“Sorry, CarrotTop does not play for the U.S.”
What? I think you meant to give this to Alexi.
Who are you trying to beat- the Americans or Raggedy Ann?
LD: I’m glad to see that you are wearing gloves while hanlding my doll’s genitals. I have been known to do nasty things to your national team from time to time.
You found my Happy Meal toy!
(Referring to the fact that he’s a crybaby)
“Is this supposed to be me? Looks like I found my replacement for LA while I stay in Germany! Auf wiedersehen, MLS!”
“What are you pointing at there with your gloves? Ohhh yup now I see why you’re wearing gloves cause I can barely see what you’re pointing at”
WTF? How would you like it if I pinned your mini me? This is the MF USA and we don’t play with BUSTERS around the BLOCK!! How would you like it if it was the other way around? BTW, I thought pin the tail-on-the-donkey was more up your alley?
Caption Entry:
“Well, I don’t practice Santeria”
Below
Bonus song,
Sung to “Santeria” by Sublime
I don’t practice santeria got no crystal ball
They had a million dollars but Triclores spent it all
when I find that Svena and that team that he’s found
We’ll pop a cap in Mexico and smack them down
All I really wanna say
I can’t say it’s World cup play I need
But my soul will have to wait till I get back and find
Concacaf entry that we own
USA’s gonna love one and the ball
They feel the ball and the’re gonna kick it in
I swear that I really wanna know
All I really wanna say is USA gottime and will make it
Yes,USA’s comin’ up
Tell Mexico that if they knows what is good for them
tricolres best go run and hide
USA’s got LD on it’s side.
And he won’t think twice to put that golasso straight
down Oswaldo’s throat
Believe me when I say that we got somethin for those punk asses
What I really wanna say is there’s just one way back
And USA’ll make it but Tricolores will have to wait
By: Coconutz!
Clearly, Mexico is the dominant team in CONCACAF and doesn’t need to resort to the desperate measures of the United States, which is beneath them.
That tag says “Made in the USA?” Of course — we own Mexico.
“That’s not a pin where you’re touching”
“You really want a souvenir? Gimme 10 minutes and you can fish a Sanchez doll out of my stool.”
Donovan: Dude! I believe you. You don’t need to show me that it’s anatomically correct.
No, I can’t really…Bianca made me throw out my whole collection of Raggedy Ann and Andy dolls when we moved in…I know, I know…Raggedy Andy dressed like an LA King goes for boat loads on eBay. I can’t imagine what the NY Ranger version goes for.
I wonder when this guy is going to realize I’m peeing on his shoe.
“Do these come in AC Milan colors?”
Don’t put a pin in my Special One
Hey, this great guys, very creative. Look, can you make one of these that resembles Beckham? I mean that really stole my thunder. Now almost everyone forgets that I used to play for Galaxy too. Wanker.
I wonder when this guy is going to realize I’m peeing on his shoe.
Donovan: Are those gloves fireproof?
Reporter: Yup, fire up top, fire down below.
“I don’t play patty-cakes with dolls, only Landycakes”
Umm…hello…sponsorship alert! McDonalds is going to pitch a screaming fit if they see you’ve made a Ronald voodoo doll. Go make one like that creepy King. You’ll thank me later.
“You blame Alexi Lalas for the Galaxy last season? I have just the thing…”
“Thats what ppl look like with hair! Heh, im so glad im losing mine.”
Hey!
It is lifesize!!
Parece Oswaldo, no?
It must be a doll of the Mexican NT because it has no balls.
So that’s what happened to Pando Ramirez.
That’s very nice of you, but I only collect Barbies.
“So you’re bringing in Importados to do your dirty work”
“Man, Mexico must really hate John O’brien”
“Wow, is THIS what it’s like to be Mexican?”
Posted by: Scott | February 10, 2009 at 07:15 PM
OMG! I almost fell off the couch. Good stuff Scott
“Maybe instead of playing with dolls, you guys should be figuring out how to stop me from scoring on you.”
If that is supposed to be me, shouldn’t it have “el chupacabra” written on the back
Cerrano: El Tri, they are sick. They cannot score in Columbus. Azteca they score very much. Columbus, El Tri are afraid. I ask Jobu to come. Take fear from El Tri. I offer him cigar, rum. He will come.
Donovan: You know you might think about taking Jesus Christ as your savior instead of fooling around with all this stuff.
Cerrano: Jesus, I like him very much, but he no help with Columbus. Jobu will come.
Donovan: Hey bartender! Jobu needs a refill!
LD reads bottom of dolls shoe, “Hecho en mexico. I can’t disagree with that.”
Damn I’m good looking
“Sorry, I don’t play hockey.”
Reporter: Can you spare a hair for my doll?
“See, this is what Barry Bonds looked like BEFORE the steroids. Imagine what you could look like Landon!”
Since you are going to thrash us 3-0, would you please sign my limited edition Alexi Lalas voodoo doll.
Please sign: “Good Luck in 2009 Oswaldo!”
Well its better than batteries and cups of pee.
Even that doll could score on your defense.
“Hey, you wouldn’t have one that looks like Luca Toni would you?”
So that’s what hundreds of Mexicans will be throwing at their TVs this week after another 2-0 loss?
“A Mexican reporter shows Landon Donovan a prop from the set of Special 1 TV and asks Landon if he is familiar with The Special1, Wayne, and The Sven!”
Somehow I thought pinatas would be bigger, no?
Landon: “Isn’t this kind of a lomg shot?”
Reporter: “Umm, no, just a little fun for the fans. On a more serious note, what are you thoughts of the Rafa Marquez/Chupacabra Center Defence tandem?”
Hmmm….where can I get a Luca Toni one.?”
Donovan: “Who knew that you Mexicans were New York Rangers fans???”
” I don’t play with dolls anymore, I prefer balls now…*wink*”
sorry, but the big ginger hair look is so 20th century
Special One: The bald one known as Landon Donovan, or simply “Landycakes,” was shown a replica of the new Sven action figure.
Sven: I have NO IDEA who that is!
Wayne(Heavy Accent): Aye! Is your head bleeding from Mexico giving you the boot after you lost to the United States 4-nil?!
“Hey Baby, did I mention I LOVE redheads? Here’s my number…”
“I can’t believe they’re just reusing the old Alexi Lalas voodoo dolls.”
Hair, Spot on
Kits, Not quite
Anatomically correct, Unfortunately
“No thanks I won’t poke that, I’m a married man.”
Presented with a Mexican voodoo doll in is likeness, Landon Donovan of Bayern Munich wistfully remembers off-seasons past when he had time for his knitting and cross-stitching hobbies.
“It’s called Raggedy Alexi, it will sell millions! Let’s talk endorsements!”
“Landon, meet Giovani Dos Santos. He’s a lot smaller in real life…”
At least they know who I am in Mexico!
OR
That’s nice. Sven is so creative.
Ankle-biting Munchkin of Death
or
“ABMOD, is that you?”
Did you pull that out of Luca Toni’s butt?
I look after you. I do a lot for you. If you do not help me now, I say #$%^ you Jobu, I’ll do it myself.
Where’s the tail and horns?
You got one for Luca Toni?
Reporter: This is it?
Donovon: “WOW Looks just like a redheaded step child, ironic since the last ten years we’ve been beating your national team like one!”
Hecho en Mexico?
OUCH!
“Now look here senor Donavan, if you detach this foot like this…” Takes foot off and reveals secret compartment. “You have this little pill you can take whenever you feel nervous” “It will make you calm down BIG TIME before game , trust me. My friend I’ve been working on this for 2 years, now you will be the one that benefits.”
As he walks away with a big smile on his face, he gives a secret fist pump to a barely recognizable Bruce Arena who is hiding incognito in the audience who dares not make eye contact.
Donovan: Should I touch this S##T?
I wonder if Bianca would like that look….
There’s no way Sanchez’s (unit) is as big as that doll.
Now Landon can you please show the court where the defendant touched you.
Wait, whats this? Made in China?
“Please stop touching me there. It tickles.”
So that’s where they will kick me? I wasn’t aware the Mexico players knew about balls.
Why do you need to wear one glove while touching that doll, Senor Jackson?
i’ll bet you Ives wil have something to say about this!
Kicks and stones may break my bones, but pins can never hurt me.
Wow! I am better looking than I thought. Take that Beckham!
Hey it really is anatomically correct.
You give me that doll, I’ll give you back your sombrero
“yes, Bianca likes dolls, too, but in America the men don’t bring their toys to work with them”
still no Labyrinth reference??!!
Donovan: You remind me of the babe.
Reporter: What babe?
D: The babe with the power.
R: What power?
D: The power of voodoo.
R: Who do?
D: You do.
R: Do what?
D: Remind me of the babe.
You want me to pose with that? Come on, it’s not even anatomically correct. And look at that craftsmanship, it’s shoddy and cheap. You guys are better than that!
“And *this* little piggy went to Marquez…”
A voodoo doll of Alexi!? Quick! Somebody get me some scissors!
The least you could’ve done was make it anatomically correct.
Thanks! Someone tell Bob we finally found the left back he’s been looking for.
Damn it, I knew I shouldn’t of hired Lalas as my agent. For my first international endorsement deal these “Stick me Landon” Dolls” suck.
No way, for a dollar at a Blockbuster in Mexico I can get one of those and rent 3 Amigos.
Landon – Was this made in Mexico?
Reporter – Yes
Landon – I was going to give it to my dog but my previous dog knows what happen the last time I gave a pet a product from Mexico….
“Umm, yes, it does look like Franck Ribery.”
Landycakes: “Where was this Alexi doll when he was trying to sign Becks??!!”
Looks like the next public health scare created by a Mexico made product…
“Landon Donovan learns that practice time spent playing with dolls is why the Mexican National Team has struggled recently against the USMNT.”
You shouldn’t take things off Sven’s desk.
Donavan examines it, thinking it is a demo of the new USA Uniform. “What is this a jersey for ants, it needs to be at least 3 times as big”.
“Oh, so someone attatched a pair of testicles to this voodoo doll of me and THAT’S what made me want to go play in Europe Again!”
Say hello to my little friend…
Ruud? Is that you? Did you dye your hair red?
I thought voodoo was Haitian?
or
No sir, I don’t think voodoo economics will fix the US.
Looks like Mexico forgot that Lalas and Jones retired from the USMNT as they attempt to excise loses through a voodoo doll.
“Vodoo?? I don’t believe in Vodoo…but I do believe in this…”
Who is this doll supposed to be? Alexi Lalas?
Donovan tries his hardest not to break out in a giggle as he curiously thinks to himself, “I wonder if the carpet matches the drapes.”
“Is this how big I look to the Bayern players?”
does it come in pink?
*In thick Ivan Drago accent* “I piss on this, just like training pitch in Mexico.”
Donavon: “Instead of playing with dolls, maybe you should focus on how to stop me from scoring on you.”
“What is this?? A press conference for ants? Reporters need to be at least . . . three times that size!”
I see Luis Hernandez died his hair again…
See, the carpet matches the drapes…
“See, it’s you, and right here is where I stuck the pin so you won’t urinate on Estadio Jalisco anymore.”
“You guys know that Lalas isn’t on our National team anymore, right?”
“Hey, that’s the same way I got Lalas fired.”
My arm! my arm is gone, put it back you bastard!
it’s great you made my jersey number 2-0 rather than the usual 10
Has Carrot Top signed off on this?
The Mexicans are so red with envy that they confused me with Lalas.
Sure I remember Abel, we were teammates all last year.
“What would Luca Toni do?”
“You made a scale model of me out of human hair? That’s uh, touching.”
“They are going to need a bigger one then this to beat us”
“The rumours of Landon having a fetish for small redhead vodoo dolls = true”
(source:tv azteca)