You Write The Caption: Onyewu vs. Marquez

Admit it, any time a You Write the Caption photo gives you the opportunity to make fun of Mexican national team players you enjoy it. Go ahead, you can admit it. It’s okay.

This week’s YWTC installment features U.S. defender Oguchi Onyewu and Mexico captain Rafael Marquez locked in a gaze that was surely more hostile than friendly. Check out the picture and feel free to offer your own caption.

Enjoy:

PHOTO BY ISI PHOTOS

Onyewumarquez_isi_photos

Rafael Marquez is frozen in fear after Oguchi Onyewu says, "Remember what you did to Cobi Jones?"

There it is. Now it’s your turn. Please offer your own caption (and a caption is a one sentence line to describe the photo, not a paragraph).

I will post the 10 best caption entries later in the week.

This entry was posted in You Write the Caption. Bookmark the permalink.

148 Responses to You Write The Caption: Onyewu vs. Marquez

  1. Jeremy says:

    My name is Oguchi Onyewu. You killed my father. Prepare to die!

  2. smorebs says:

    A preview of the next UFC main event

  3. bubblehouse says:

    Hoping for some excitement marquez looks very dissapointed that it’s the old missionary position once again.

  4. Ives says:

    Damn Jeremy, that right there is genius (though I changed it to father because that was the quote from the movie). I hate that I didn’t think of that one considering I’ve seen Princess Bride a million times.

  5. Chuck says:

    Dude…WTF? You’re like twice my size.

  6. steal your sounders says:

    “If this thing between us grabs us at the wrong place at the wrong time….” brokeback mountain reference

  7. Drew says:

    We are this close to beating you on US soil.

  8. Chuck says:

    Dude…WTF? You’re like twice my size.

  9. Nick G. says:

    Rafa Marquez throws his hands up in disgust upon being the victim of another You Write the Caption, and another Onyewu stare-down.

  10. Craig says:

    “Hah, you blinked first” said Rafael

  11. Mike says:

    “Now, Gooch, this is my L’Oreal pose…”

  12. RS says:

    RAFA: “This son of bi*** — all night, he check check check. He trapped me! He beat me…straight up. Pay him…pay that man his money.” (taken from the all-time great poker movie “Rounders”)

  13. Dannyc58 says:

    Marquez: Gooch, I really don’t think we should keep playing Twister on the field during games…

  14. Scoofy says:

    Rafa Marquez blinks first, and is thus obligated to buy Gooch a tamarind soda.

  15. Marquez loses himself in a sea of lust, gently reaching up to graze the face of his forbidden lover . . . .

    Marquez: I know its wrong . . . but it FEELS so RIGHT . . . .

  16. Dominghosa says:

    Jeremy, That is classic!
    Love any Princess Bride references….

  17. Scoofy says:

    Onyewu casts a skeptical glance as Rafa Marquez describes “the one that got away.”

    or, the PG-13 version:

    Onyewu casts a skeptical glance as Rafa Marquez exaggerates his anatomy once again.

  18. Princess Bride Rocks . . . someone has been watching HBO lately!

    But as always, mine is the BEST!

    Ah a day off rules.

  19. Neumannator says:

    “All I said was I wanted to try on the same pair in an 11–you don’t have to get pissy about it.”

  20. Graig says:

    Mr. Onyewu: Are you gonna bark all day, little doggy, or are you gonna bite?
    Mr. Marquez: ¿Qué fue eso? Perdón, yo no lo agarré. ¿Lo repetiría usted?
    Mr. Onyewu: Are you gonna bark all day, little doggy, or are you gonna bite?

  21. Jeremy says:

    Thanks for correcting me Ives!

  22. ERic says:

    Marquez desperately tries to draw on his bruja skills to make Onyewu go away.

  23. blog says:

    Onyewu, “Boy, I will slap you so hard your momma will cry….”

  24. Michael says:

    Gooch: “Rafa, I am your father.”

  25. eric-dynamo says:

    you shouldve switched to geico

  26. ERic says:

    Crap. Should’ve said ‘make Onyewu vanish.’

  27. Brandon says:

    Onyewu: “If we are going to dance… I lead.”

  28. Josh says:

    “A 4, a 5 and a size 22.”

  29. Manny F says:

    Marquez- “Sorry, I thought you were Cobi Jones!

  30. Adam says:

    dude, i caught a fish THIS BIG

  31. Matt Mathai says:

    Rafa: Yes, you’re the dominant male. I will now expose my vulnerable underside.

  32. Ted says:

    WTF mate?

  33. Jake Wright says:

    The love that dare not speak its name appears on the pitch. (Also pictured, no. 5 – Castro)

  34. Bob S says:

    “After repeated visits Marquez speaks with his real estate agent about purchasing the ground.”

    Because you know…Altidore put him on his behind too :)

  35. Monkey Boy says:

    Marquez – I think I just shat myself…

  36. kriznm says:

    yeah rafa…dont forget that we own you.

  37. SeaOtter says:

    Marquez says: Dude, I said are you ready to Rumba. Not are you ready to rumble.

    Its a stretch, I know.

  38. Brendan says:

    Is it your turn to lead or mine?

  39. City of Houston offers $15.5 million to secure stadium land

    link to chron.com

  40. david 09 says:

    The US Soccer Team would like to introduce Mr. Onyewu as the new teacher of Defense 101.

    Marquez: Teacher, teacher I have a question. How do I not get bet by a teenager?

  41. therealfan says:

    Realizing that his attempts to defeat Onyewu were futile, Marquez stares at his competitor in awe and tries to initiate the “slow clap”.

  42. Zerk says:

    The Carp I caught was yay big!

  43. Jonny says:

    Marquez: “I’m here for the gang bang!”

  44. Shamar says:

    Marquez:”May I have this dance”

  45. Michael F. says:

    MARQUEZ: Why are you so angry Gooch? It’s easy. Listen again: You put your right arm in, you put your right arm out, you put your right arm in and shake it all about. You do the hokey-pokey and you turn your self about. That’s what it’s all about!

  46. Greifie says:

    Marquez shows Onyewu his latest slight of hand magic trick.

  47. jake says:

    First Jared, now you…
    I will stare down the team one by one!

  48. Joe_in_ND says:

    No, no. Not the staredown! Anything but the staredown…Noooooooooo!

  49. Dwayne says:

    Marquez: “Didn’t you like my dive?”

  50. Mighty says:

    Marquez (Mexico)…. Onyewu (USA) es tu PaPa!!!!!!!!!!

  51. Adam says:

    HEY MACARENA!!!!!!

  52. Dominghosa says:

    After a close look of Jozy Altidore from below just a play earlier, Rafa Marquez tells Oguchi Onyewu the size of what he saw.
    Onyewu, in bewilderment, drops to his knees.

  53. Sean H. says:

    Gooch: “Listen amigo, I said I wanted this grass 3 quarters of an inch long, and this is an inch and a half.”

    Rafa: “My apologies Senor, my English not so good, I’ll get right on that.”

  54. zilla says:

    Castro: “Rafa, stay frozen and he might not see you! And remember, he’s probably more afraid of you then you are of him!”

  55. Robert says:

    “You are wrong, Mr Marquez….And you will lose EVERYTHING”

  56. Bert says:

    Gooch to Marquez: I must break you!

  57. Steve says:

    In a heated game of duck-duck-goose Rafa says: “I said Gooch! Not Goose!”

  58. brent says:

    “Gooch for the last time it’s a Dirty Sanchez not a Dirty Marquez”

  59. MJ says:

    Marquez: “I play for Barcelona, dude.”

  60. Brendan says:

    Marquez: “Last time I let you dip me.”

  61. Brendan says:

    Castro (5): OK, my turn to play twister. So are you or Gooch going to spin this round?

  62. Edward says:

    “Don’t look at me, I didn’t take your money!”

  63. Nordy says:

    Marquez: “I’m looking for something about yeah big, preferably in a darker color…do you think you can help?”

  64. Bora Fan says:

    ’cause I’m Your Lady
    And You Are My Man
    Whenever You Reach For Me
    I’ll Do All That I Can

  65. Tony in Quakeland says:

    Marquez: I promise, just spoon with me. I will be a gentleman.

  66. pity the defender says:

    Marquez: Touch me and i’ll sue.

  67. CPTKevin says:

    Rafa say:
    “But when you touch me like this
    And you hold me like that
    I just have to admit
    That it’s all coming back to me.”

  68. Landis says:

    Kumbaya, my Lord, kumbaya…

  69. Andrew says:

    Showing the lack of class that the Mexican national team displays on a regular basis, Oguchi catches Rafa peeing while sitting down, thus proving the mexican man-gina theory.

  70. Arriaga says:

    It finally dawned on Rafa that the reason Mexico wears green jerseys is to hide the grass stains.

  71. Arriaga says:

    “Dude… when I put my arm like this, it means I’m turning. I totally had the right of way!”

  72. Camjam says:

    Yeah, I got a glance and it is THAT big. Nice.

  73. Camjam says:

    Rafa: Bro, if you didn’t want to dance, you could’ve just said “no”.

  74. Frank says:

    Onyewu: “And now you will find out how I won my last UFC match.”

  75. Richard, UK says:

    “Standard Liege, baby. Standard Liege. Fear me.”

  76. NapoleonDynamite says:

    When I take off my stylish headband, it stretches theees wide… Rafa make one for you too if you not tackle so hard.

  77. Johnny says:

    “Why can’t I quit you!”

  78. j1 says:

    Marquez: hey! you can’t do that to me I play for barcelona

  79. therealfan says:

    Don’t be like that Goochie… come give us a hug.

  80. Brian says:

    Marquez: Now I know how Borgetti felt

  81. j1 says:

    Gooch: That’s for arguing with hicks and gillet!
    Marquez: My name’s marquez! not benitez you idiot

  82. Dave says:

    But where did the LIGHTER fluid come from!?

  83. Eugene says:

    “Aren’t you supposed to be on the other side of the field? Why do you keep coming over here and touching me?”

  84. Eugene says:

    “Shall we dance?”

  85. CO_Soccer_Fan says:

    Marquez: “You score, now I worship you…”

  86. BK says:

    Seriously Gooch, stop looking at my cooch.

  87. David says:

    I a Catholic, no Jewish…this is…how you say…skull cap I wear, no yamaka.

  88. Sean says:

    “Jour lips are so beautiful, Oguchi. Jou are de reason caveman painted on walls.”

  89. GoldenChild says:

    “In an effort to distract the imposing Onyewu, Marquez does the macarena while seated on his arse.”

  90. Knox says:

    Ha! You still can’t beat me, even when I’m on my knees.

  91. Knox says:

    Ha! You still can’t beat me, even when I’m on my knees.

  92. Bob says:

    Marquez to Gooch: “Hold on, let me help wipe that off — your face is a bit dirty from eating my lunch.”

  93. Mark says:

    Gooch can you do the Macarena like me?

  94. Ronald J. Lucena says:

    Onyewu: the Gypsy Kings auditions are in Spain, Punk. But welcome to the U.S of A.

  95. Matt K says:

    “Hey Gooch, we were this close to winning the Gold Cup.”

  96. Nelson Mandela says:

    “Have you guys seen the bottom half of my left leg? It’s about this big, has a red sock, and a white and yellow shoe on the end…

  97. Charlie N. says:

    Marquez provides the distraction with a slight of hand trick, Castro (#5) gives him an underarm tickle—- the Goochie-Goochie-Goo

  98. Amit says:

    Rafa says, “Goochie, you got a lot of splainin’ to do.”

  99. Rob O says:

    Gooch: C’mon, you know I said “On your knees”. Oh well, as long as you’re down there…my boots could use some attention.

  100. Rob O says:

    Gooch: C’mon, you know I said “On your knees”. Oh well, as long as you’re down there…my boots could use some attention.

  101. Dave says:

    Gooch: Hey you remember your friend Borgetti? He recommends you stay down there.

  102. muscfiorentina says:

    Gooch: Dude I’ll kick your butt even on my knees

  103. Nick says:

    Rafa: Que Pasa? You hit me and I play for Barcolena.
    Gooch- Big deal! First I will beat you then, I will beat you. And you can’t call Ronahlindino to save you now.

  104. aj says:

    Look at you, you want to kiss me right now…

  105. Neil B. says:

    Rafa Marquez. . .

    . . .

    will you marry me?

  106. jpc says:

    I swear to god. this is my stocking cap

  107. william says:

    witness the AXE effect
    (warning, wearing axe body spray might cause old mexican defenders to attempt to dance with you)

  108. mexicanbluefish says:

    I thought I was going to be on top…

  109. PKTaker says:

    “i thought we were going to cuddle…”

  110. Mike Caramba says:

    Rafa has his right to wear a do-rag revoked.

  111. Mike Caramba says:

    Riots erupt in Peru after Onyewu made Marquez use buttocks in 63rd

    link to deadspin.com

  112. Mike Caramba says:

    Marquez blames spill on USA’s home-field advantage

  113. kswiss says:

    “Okay, Oguchi, one more time. When someone comes near you, you fall down, throw up your arms and look at the referee, just like this. Works every time!”

  114. Jeffrey says:

    The boys’ new water ballet routine just doesn’t look as good on dry land.

  115. kswiss says:

    Onyewu: “Surrender.”
    Marquez: “You mean you wish to surrender to me? Very well, I accept.”

    (Not trying to win any awards with this one, since Jeremy originally came up with the Princess Bride quote idea. I just thought you might enjoy another one.)

  116. Alejandro Ruiz says:

    NO!…NO, PLEASE! NO, NO! TOO SEXY! NO! ¡NO Señor! NO, NO! IT’S TOO SEXY! PLEASE!

  117. Dan says:

    While Onyewu stares down Marquez, Marquez makes a futile gesture at counter-intimidation by chanting the Mexican fight song: Pattycake, Pattycake, baker’s man,
    bake me a cake as fast as you can . . ..”

  118. Tom says:

    Im sick of you always pushing me around!

  119. Rob C says:

    Marquez: C’mon Gooch, bring it in for the real thing.

  120. sam says:

    Seriously, this is the team jersey.

  121. JD says:

    Rafa: “Bless me father, for I have sinned…”

  122. yoda says:

    Is it true what they say about black men?

  123. Mike Caramba says:

    “Nobody puts Jozy in a corner.”

  124. J1m B says:

    Rafael Marquez is obviously confused when his team mate conspires with the enemy, pushing him backwards over the kneeling Oguchi Onyewu.

  125. Zungazan says:

    How. You sit right here. We smoke ‘em peace pipe. Please play for us now. We have nice song to trade.

  126. Sandro says:

    Oneywu – You aren’t Borgetti! Oh darn!

  127. Christian says:

    “Gooch once again proves that “staring down” opponents only works in Belgium, showing exactly why he failed in England”

    BTW Ives, I’ve got a good sense of humor and actually enjoyed some of the comments with racial overtones.

    I just get a good laugh at American fans “holier than thou” attitude, calling all mexicans classless and other nonsensical rhetoric crap.

    gotta love america, land of the hypocrites.
    :)

  128. Jay Slick says:

    Marquez: “Whose your Right Back? That was a nice cross, but he keeps getting beat on his guy by this much every time.”

  129. Christian says:

    “Gooch once again proves that “staring down” opponents only works in Belgium, showing exactly why he failed in England”

    BTW Ives, I’ve got a good sense of humor and actually enjoyed some of the comments with racial overtones.

    I just get a good laugh at American fans “holier than thou” attitude, calling all mexicans classless and other nonsensical rhetoric crap.

    gotta love america, land of the hypocrites.
    :)

  130. BK says:

    Marquez: “What you say me?”
    Gooch: “Take a message. Write it down. I don’t give #$%k!”

  131. hdtv says:

    my mind is telling me no, but my body, my body’s tellin me…

  132. david 09 says:

    My cousin came up with this one, which it is for the gamers.

    Marquez and Onyewu fall to their knees when Castro tells them that there isn’t a Mohawk Night Elf in World of Warcraft like Mr. T said.

  133. Beech says:

    Now stay away from Mango!

  134. Jay-Z says:

    Desperately trying to signal that he was making a left turn to avoid contact still wasn’t enough to prevent Onyewu from running over Marquez.

  135. inkedAG says:

    Oneywu: Next time B**ch, you better have ALL my money!!!

  136. Nic D "the Texas 2 Stepper" says:

    Marquez: “Dance with me! I want to be your partner, Can’t you see.”

  137. HE from NJ says:

    “I wish I knew how to quit you”

  138. lprevolution says:

    Where’s the money Marquez?

    Vee Vants da Money Marquez!

    Vee believe in no-ting! Ya, Vee believe in no-ting!

  139. Mike Caramba says:

    Christian,

    Pretty big of you, working up the courage to come on here and confront all of us ignorant, racist, hypocrites.

    It’s funny that you call us “hypocritical” and make fun of our “holier than though attitude,” when it is you who deigns to come down to the gutters of the football-supporting world, lump us all into one category, and tell us exactly what’s wrong with us.

    I won’t even begin to defend any racist comments appearing on this site, but I still think it’s funny how America is labeled “the racist nation.” Every country has racists–we’re simply open about it. And last I checked, we don’t throw bananas at our black athletes and no one is giving Nazi salutes to adoring crowds. Racism isn’t unique to the States.

    I’m reluctant to post this because you obviously wrote it to get a rise out of us. But come on…I can’t leave such an unfairly judgmental, “hypocritcal,” “holier than though” post go unanswered.

    Hugs and kisses,
    Mike

  140. Christian says:

    Mike,

    One of the reasons I come here so often is because I’m a RB/Metro fan, so obviously I’m going to go to the best possible place to get my news.

    As to your other comments, well, most of the people around here have absolutely no problem lumping all of us Mexican fans into the “dirty, classles” category while most of them have never ever been to a Mex/US game, let alone a game in Mexico yet they speak as if all the stuff that is said over the internet were true.

    My position is unique, I have lived in both countries a substantial amount of time, not to mention Colombia, Argentina and Peru, and have attended plenty of games in said places. I can speak about the nature of our rivalry because I’ve lived it, I’ve seen crazy, redneck, Sams Army guys yelling at little mexican kids for no reason, throwing stuff at them. I’ve seen drunk mexican fans jump a guy with an american flag wrapped around him, etc. It happens everywhere, it’s just that you guys act as if your fans would never do that. Well, they do and they have, it happens everywhere. That’s all I’m saying.

    Toodles :)

  141. Christian says:

    Mike,

    I didn’t write that to get a rise out of anyone, I was being cynical in my response to a few “mow my lawn” type ‘you write the caption’ comments. If anything, I should’ve been offended as I found most of the comments hilarious. Guess I’ve struck a nerve with the whole “america, land of the hypocrites” thing. My apologies if I offended anyone but I don’t think many people will disagree with that statement.

    Toodles
    :)

  142. Christian says:

    Mike,

    I didn’t write that to get a rise out of anyone, I was being cynical in my response to a few “mow my lawn” type ‘you write the caption’ comments. If anything, I should’ve been offended as I found most of the comments hilarious. Guess I’ve struck a nerve with the whole “america, land of the hypocrites” thing. My apologies if I offended anyone but I don’t think many people will disagree with that statement.

    Toodles
    :)

  143. Mike Caramba says:

    It wasn’t just “america, land of hypocrites.” It was also our “holier than thou” attitude. It’s just ironic–the guy who calls our attitudes “holier than thou” is the same one who feels qualified not only to criticize everyone on this blog, but our entire country…thus making him the hypocrite…

    I don’t care if every person in the world thinks America is the land of hypocrites. That doesn’t mean they’re right, and it certainly doesn’t make you right, either.

    Any racially-directed criticism of Rafa (or any other Mexican, for that matter) is completely unacceptable. But just because a few idiots made inappropriate jokes doesn’t give you the right to lump everyone together. 95% of us are just trying to support our boys (regardless of where they “failed”), engage in some discussion, and have a little fun. Idiots, like racists, are not a phenomenon unique to this blog. Nor are they unique to the States. Unfortunately, they’re a world-wide phenomenon.

    I’m willing to forgive. I just think you should be a little more careful in your criticism, and perhaps your wording.

  144. Mike Caramba says:

    Sorry, I didn’t notice your post above…

    I have no problem admitting we have idiot fans and racists in our midst. I just didn’t like the implication that everyone’s guilty. Most aren’t.

  145. Sandro says:

    Rafa to Onyewu – Hey dude, I am not Borgetti! WTF?

  146. mutinyfan says:

    i already gave you my lunch money its not my fault the peso is weak

  147. Binks says:

    Gooch: “Stay down Bitch!”

  148. Almrls says:

    Onyewu fouls Marquez in an attempt to steal the ball after an ankle-breaking move, resulting in his second yellow card, and after which, is ejected from the game.